The Gap Between Knowing and Choosing: Proverbs 13:13
"He who despises the word will be destroyed, But he who fears the commandment will be rewarded." - Proverbs 13:13 (NKJV)
This is exactly the kind of verse I needed to bring in the new year. Not because it's comfortable or easy, but because it names something I've been wrestling with for longer than I want to admit.
Here's what caught my attention when I really sat with this passage: Solomon isn't drawing some theoretical line between good people and bad people. He's describing the brutal, everyday choice we all face - especially when we're emotionally wrecked and barely holding it together.
What It Actually Means
Let me break down what's happening in the Hebrew here, because it matters.
"Despises the word" - that word for despise carries the weight of treating something with contempt, actively dismissing it as worthless. It's not forgetting. It's not ignorance. It's knowing better and choosing otherwise anyway.
And I've been there. Those moments where I know what aligns with God's character, and I choose something else. Sometimes because I calculated that "the flip side can't be too bad." Sometimes because I'm so emotionally shaken that choosing wrong feels like the only option I can reach for. Sometimes because I'm in what I can only describe as adult temper tantrum mode - and I almost want the self-inflicted punishment.
The flip side? "He who fears the commandment will be rewarded."
That word "fears" isn't about being terrified of God. It's reverence. Taking His word seriously. Recognizing that His definitions of good, evil, right, and wrong aren't suggestions we can negotiate with.
The Brutal Gap I Live In
Here's what's been weighing heavily on my heart: I usually see the impact of my wrong choices way before I see the impact of choices that align with God.
You know why? Because the battlefield is real. The enemy makes sure you feel the consequences of wrong choices immediately - pain, shame, disconnection, that sinking feeling in your gut. But the fruit of walking with God? That takes time to grow. It's quieter. Steadier. Future tense: "will be rewarded."
The destruction comes fast. The reward takes patience.
And when you're in the funk - when sadness or depression or whatever emotional storm is raging - waiting for future reward feels impossible. The immediate relief of just doing what you want, what feels right in that broken moment, screams louder than the quiet truth you know.
My Daily Reset
Every single day, I try to reset my thoughts to one question: Does this action fit into the character of God? Is this response reflecting His character? Am I despising His word right now? Am I knowing right from wrong and actively choosing wrong?
I fail at this way more than I want to admit.
But here's what I'm learning: The fact that I'm even asking the question? That's not nothing. That's the "fear of the commandment" Solomon talks about. It's messy. It's imperfect. But it's there.
I'm not dismissing God's word as worthless. I'm wrestling with it. And there's a massive difference between wrestling with truth and despising it.
The Employer Analogy That Hit Me
I was thinking about this recently - with an earthly employer, you just do what you're told. Boss says do it, you do it. And sometimes? Things still don't work out.
But God is the ultimate employer. When He says do something, you do it. And unlike earthly employers, you can trust it's going to work out - maybe not for what we desire, but for what He wants. Which is more substantial, more important, more critical than our constantly shifting wants.
That word "desire" - man, that's often the thing misaligning me. When I'm in that funk, when desire is screaming and truth is whispering, that's where the battle is fiercest.
When You're Too Broken to Even Call Out
The hardest part for me? Calling on God when I'm in that emotional state. When I'm so shaken I almost don't even want His help.
Here's what I'm learning: You don't have to feel like calling out to God. You just have to do it.
"God, I'm a mess. I don't even want Your help right now, but I need it."
That's still the sword. That's still resisting the devil, and Scripture says when we resist, he'll flee. Even when it feels mechanical. Even when you don't feel it. Even when you're barely making it.
Actually, especially when you're barely making it.
What This Means for a New Year
Look, I'm not writing this from a place of having it all figured out. I'm writing this from the trenches. From those moments where I knew better and chose worse anyway. From the gap between knowing God's word and choosing it when emotions are screaming.
But starting a new year with this verse? It's exactly what I needed. Not a pep talk. Not empty resolution energy. But a clear-eyed look at the choice that's in front of me every single day: despise or fear, destruction or reward.
The question isn't "Am I doing this perfectly?"
The question is "Am I moving toward fearing the commandment, or am I moving toward despising it?"
And if you're asking that question - even after you've failed, even when you're emotionally wrecked, even when you're in that funk - you're moving toward it. Messy, imperfect, real, but moving.
A Final Thought
What if those moments when you recognize you've chosen wrong - even after the fact - are actually part of the "fearing the commandment"? What if coming back, resetting, asking the question again... what if that's the reward already beginning to take root?
You're not barely making it. You're making it.
Keep fighting. Keep calling out. Even when you don't want to.
That's what it looks like to fear the commandment in a broken world. And that's the kind of foundation I want to build this year on.
How I Check My Own Temperature
I have to be real with myself. So I ask myself daily: Where am I today in regards to the space between knowing what's right by God's will and character and choosing what's right? Am I trusting in my Maker's wisdom over mine? Am I holding a healthy fear of God's commandments and despising only what is evil?
I have to remember the promise: The One who gave the commandment isn't waiting for perfection. He's waiting for me and you to turn back as many times as we need.
I thank God that He knows how imperfect my humanity is and is willing to search my heart for authenticity and guide me if I am willing to listen, trust and obey His wisdom over mine.
I hope you found this useful in your life. Thanks for reading, watching, or listening.